VICEVI

[Burli]

Zove Marko Tomas kući i kaže:

-Bok mama, dobili smo utakmicu, postali smo prvaci!
-Kaj, niš' te ne čujem, strašna je buka u Areni???

-Onda niš' mama, čujemo se...

Ja sam čuo da kad Čak Noris seče luk,ne plače Čak nego luk

[harepa50]

Sreli se dva gluha penzionera. Pita jedan: O druze, sta ima, jes' to pos'o na pecanje? A drugi odgovara: Ma nije, pos'o sam na pecanje. A ovaj prvi: E jebiga, ja mislio ti pos'o na pecanje...

[mladenkom]

malo izreka na engleskom..


go to the ass on the fair
idi u dupe na vashar

which bush hides the lying rabbit?
u kom grmu lezi zec?

chicken, i knew you while you were an egg
znam te koko dok si jaje bila

hold the water until the repairmen leave
drzi vodu dok majstori odu

he kissed the closed door
poljubio je zatvorena vrata

where cracked yes cracked
kud puklo da puklo

mind rules, power rolls the logs
Um caruje, snaga klade valja

if you know how, you get two
ko umije, njemu dvije

we shall see whose mother knits the black wool
vidjecemo cija majka crnu vunu prede

trust yourself and your horse
uzdaj se u se i u svoje kljuse

a cloud of dust follows a good horse
za dobrim konjem prasina se dize

may the devil beat hawthornes with you
vrag s tobom gloginje mlatio

who about what, grandma about doughnuts
ko o cemu, baba o ustipcima

you are not supposed to look at the teeth of a horse you got as a present
poklonjenom konju u zube se ne gleda

you cant have both lamb and the money
ne mozes i jare i pare

when the willow gives birth to grapes
kad na vrbi rodi grozdje

a boot keeps the head, shubara decorates it
cizma glavu cuva, shubara je krasi

a frog had seen that horses were getting shoed, so she too lifted a leg
vidjela zaba da se konji kuju pa i ona podigla nogu

who early earlies, two lucks grabs
ko rano rani dvije srece grabi

neither according to father nor according to uncles
ni po babu ni po stricevima

let your pretty house be far away
daleko ti ijlepa kuca

lets be alive, and we will see
zivi bili pa vidjeli

he is beating the empty hay
On mlati praznu slamu

get up, best man, let the musicians mother sit
ustani kume da sjedne sviraceva majka

bread lay down, coz I m gonna eat you
lezi lebu da te jedem

jump first, then say "hop"
prvo skoci pa reci "hop"

cheese! and military music!
sira i vojne muzike

someone gets strapped soft soiled footware, others get footrags
kom opanci, kom obojci

play up, and fit it into your belt
zasviraj i za pojas zadjeni

you ve left before you tried stuffed cabbage
otiso si, sarmu probo nisi

get off Kurta, let Murta ride
sjasi Kurta da uzjase Murta

there s no holiday during a reconstruction
nema odmora dok traje obnova

one fish eats the tail of another fish
riba ribi grize rep

a kitten came to the small door
dosla maca na vratanca

where all the turks, little mujo as well
gde svi turci tu i mali Mujo

legs, run away, or the arse will shit you
bjezte noge usrace vas gu*ica

cica will come on carriage
doc ce cica na kolica

dont look for a hair in an egg
ne trazi dlaku u jajetu

there s no shitting after pissing
nema s*anja posle pi*anja

who mows and who carries the water
ko kosi a ko vodu nosi

shit through the thick branches
sranje kroz gusto granje

they re defragmenting like horns in a bag
slazu se ko rogovi u vreci

you re banging like maxim on the division
lupas kao maksim po diviziji

dear god, the strange events when euphoria was all over serbia
boze mili cuda velikoga, kad se scase po zemlji srbiji

you shot him like a rabbit
ubio si ga ko zeca

drunk like a mother
pijan ko majka

hit me with a pebble and I ll hit you with a rock
ko mene kamenom ja njega vecim

I ll spool you, you ll spool me
kalemcicem cu te, kalemcicem ces me

he carried a thirsty man across the water
preveo ga zednog preko vode

spitted father
pljunuti otac

she s winding him up around the pinkie
mota ga oko malog prsta

I m fucking the curious ones and piling them up
je*em radoznale i slazem na gomilu

donkey, dont kick the bucket untill green grass
ne lipsi magarce do zelene trave

fuck the train who brought you here
je*o te voz koji te doneo

we too have the horse for the race
i mi konja za trku imamo

heroes are recognized during suffering
na muci se poznaju junaci

he who sleeps with children, wakes up wet
ko sa decom spava, upishan se budi

who got burnt from milk, blows into buttermilk
ko se jednom o mleko opece taj i u jogurt duva

could be to be, could be not to be
mere bit bidne mere bit nebidne

daddy would too, son
i tata bi, sine

you will, little tomorrow
hoces, malo sutra

no theory
nema teorije

in the month of limbourgh, when monkeys get their haircuts
u limburgu mesecu kad se majmuni shishaju

[harepa50]

Ulazi kondukter u voz i vice:
-Karte na pregled
prilazi jednom klincu i kaze:
-Mali ,imas kartu
A klinac ce:
-ja sam Srbin
Konukter se kiselo nasmije i opet:
-Mali, ok, ali jel imas ti kartu
A klinac:
-ali ja sam Srbin
Kondukter popizdi:
-ma zaboli me sta si ima da letis bez karte!!!
i na prvoj sljedecoj stanici izbaci klinca
stigne voz na glavnu stanicu, izadju svi putnici a kroz voz prolazi masinovodja.
Prilazi kondukteru i kaze mu:
-Brate, da nisi mi vidio klinca?
A kondukter se lupi po celu:
-Jao brate Srbo, izvini

[diplomac]

Na jednoj plesnoj večeri prilazi momak devojci i kaže joj:

Oprostite, već sat vremena želim nešto da Vam kažem, ali se ustručavam.

- Recite, slobodno.

- Kad god se nasmejete, želim da Vam kažem da dođete kod mene.

- O, pa Vi ste zavodnik!

-Ne, ja sam zubar.

[milepsr]

U avionu sede dva Hrvata, do prozora i na srednjem sedištu. Dođe Srbin, sede do njih do prolaza , raskomoti se i izu cipele. Hrvat doprozora reče: "Mislim da ću si otić po koka-kolu"Na to će Srbin: "Brate, da se ne provlačiš, doneću ti ja" ... i dok je odlazio Hrvat mu pljune u cipelu. Posle pet minuta, istascena, drugi Hrvat, druga cipela.Sleće avion, Srbin se obuva, namršti se i reče:" Dokle bre ova mrznja, netrpeljivost, pljuvanje u cipele, pišanje u koka- kolu?!


Ovaj je malo neprikladan za forum, ali ovo nazalost oslikava mentalitet nekih ljudi....